If I were a pastor…

Sometimes witnessing “the way things are” can make it difficult to imagine how things could be. I’m finishing my first semester as a Masters of Divinity candidate at Loyola University of Chicago’s Institution of Pastoral Studies, and I often find myself shimmying through this particularly narrow corridor.

People ask me, “Why would someone who left organized religion more than twenty years ago invest their time, energy and finances into a Masters of Divinity at a Catholic University?” I ask myself the same question nearly every week.

The answer, Ive come to realize, has three parts:

1) I am a deeply spiritual being who welcomes wisdom & love from all people and traditions.

2) Some of the most inspiring spiritual beings I’ve ever known cultivated their relationship with the divine within formal religious tradition - Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism. Religion is often inseparable from culture, and culture is essential to the beauty and balance of this world.

3) Community is essential to spiritual well-being. There must be a way to gather in honor of the Spirit in all things - to lift ourselves and one another - without replicating the exclusivity and hierarchy of dogma.

Still, there are moments when the dogma in my education catches me in its teeth. I sometimes feel unheard, outnumbered. My own righteous anger flares, and I’m tempted to abandon any attempt at bridge-building- to burn the whole thing down.

I shared this with my teacher yesterday and felt his heart soften.

“I thought this would be good for you if you were going to be in intense spiritual work and study with like-minded people…three years is a long time to spend somewhere you don’t belong.”

He paused, “Still, you are a pastor. You have that energy in you - alongside your mystical witchy-ness and grounded spirit. Someone has to lead. Don’t quit just yet…”

Is this true?

Am I a pastor?

I have heard this many times before and have never been quite sure what to do with it.

If I were a pastor, what would I stand for? What kind of community would I lead?

Here’s what my Spirit says:

If I were a pastor, I would preach that joy and creativity are embodiments of the Spirit—and that the liberation of our Spirit is God’s will. Said another way, “God’s will for us is to become fully what we are.”

I would offer practices to help us distinguish between the voice of the Spirit and the voice of our ego. I’d invite us into activities that elevate both individual and collective spirit—healing modalities that acknowledge fear, doubt and shame and weave them gently into our light. We would unlearn the lessons that we must conform or hide in order to survive.

We would co-create a community where our whole selves are welcome—a living, breathing sanctuary where our gifts are not just seen, but received.

Your joy, your creativity, your voice — these are holy. What would it mean to treat your gifts not just as talents, but as a calling?